well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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