am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
