omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
