your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize