just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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