Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
