Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
