Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
