You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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