guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
