Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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