I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
