I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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