Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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