i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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