we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
