i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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