Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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