4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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