I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
