It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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