Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
