I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
