from now on my penis is your penis
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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