i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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