either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize