why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
