I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
