Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
