so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
