Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
