Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
