I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
