Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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