I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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