dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize