i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
