carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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