He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
