how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
