i think my mom watched the whole time
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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