i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize