hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
