I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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