remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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