last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
