how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
