he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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