I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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