Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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