Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
