just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
