As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
