It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
