I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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