its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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