What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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