i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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