Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
