Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
