perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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