My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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