I want to have your abortion
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
