oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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