They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize