RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
