We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize