Yo dont text me then not text me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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