I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Girls should come with a carfax report
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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