someone owes me an orgasm
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
