see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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