sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
