What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
