Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
