dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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