it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
