hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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