who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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