I just saw a hot homeless man
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just invented taco cereal.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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