im so drunk with asians
where?
always
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
