just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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